The dreaded pregnancy test

At-home pregnancy tests are the way I would think probably 90% of couples find out they are pregnant. Here's just a little background on how they work. The tests measure the amount of HCG (pregnancy) hormone in the urine. This hormone is really low (reads between 0 and 5) up until about day 12 post ovulation, and then it begins to rise if pregnant and then a few days later really begins to spike. The tests tell you that you can check up to five days early if you test with your first urine of the day, when your hormones will be most concentrated. Once your hormone levels start to rise (usually around day 1 of your missed period), you can test any time of day.

Here is the problem with pregnancy tests. They need to have 2 sections in the drug stores: 1 section for those that don't want a baby and 1 section for those that do. For those that don't want a baby, getting a smiley face or plus sign is probably pretty annoying. However they have alternatives, the double versus single line and the "pregnant" or "not pregnant" display.

Us girls that are trying, and without success, need a new brand of pregnancy tests that are a little more sensitive to our situation. Here is a line-up of what we've currently got available:

1. The positive (+) versus negative (-): that little negative sign just reminds you that you're a loser. Like, you can only feel positive if you are getting an addition to the family

2. Smiley face versus blank circle: see above. You can only be happy if you have a bun in the oven

3. Pregnant versus not pregnant: I started out with these when Travis and I first started really trying, thinking that the cut and dry answer would be so easy to read. But, and I am quoting Travis here, when you get that "not pregnant" result it's a "real kick in the balls." There is no misinterpreting that, no final minutes of false hope.

4. The one versus two line is probably your best option. Nothing too negative and when you only see the one line, you can micro-examine the stick for another couple of minutes to help buffer the reality that you are not pregnant. I've done this a couple of times, I stare really hard making sure I didn't miss a very faint second line or giving it another minute to show up. Obviously, in the end, it is the same result but I don't feel as sad because I have given my mind that little extra time to process. Only problem here is, I imagine, the positive result just wouldn't be as much fun as a positive result for the options above.

Here's what I think. I think we need an option with some humor and a positive spin for those negative results. For example, maybe a baby bottle for a positive and a wine glass for a negative, because let's face it, that's one thing we've got on the preggos. Or, if you like actual wording, a "yea you did it!" for a positive and a "not this month, but did you recently lose weight because you look AH-MAZ-ING" for a negative. 

It probably seems pretty weird to obsess over such a small piece of the puzzle but I am telling you those three minutes I spend each month waiting for the results leave me what feels like an eternity to think up these things! I canNOT wait until I get my baby bottle reading, hopefully in the not too far off future!