Small Victories!

When you are dealing with any sort of disease or ailment, it is hard to not just focus on your end goal. In my case, every month if I don't get pregnant, essentially I fail to beat my disease. It's easy to imagine why this would be depressing and frustrating, which are pretty common emotions in couples with infertility (mom, if you're reading this, I'm sure you can appreciate my use of people first language right there!). One good thing about writing this blog, it forces me to focus down on certain topics, and that has made me realize that I have achieved a lot in terms of "disease management", even if I haven't achieved the end goal.

I am one week post-IUI, which is also one week post-ovulation. I went back to my ob-gyn today to get a blood draw for a progesterone level (I'm also pretty sure they wouldn't know what to do without a weekly call or visit from me!). I won't find out the result of that until tomorrow morning, but I did also request an iron level (or technically a hemoglobin level, which is the part of iron that carries oxygen). The goal is to be between 12 and 14 and my last reading was 11.9, i.e. anemic. When I got my draw today, it was up to a 12.9, the highest it has EVER been since I started tracking about 10-ish years ago. As I've stated in previous posts, I have a STRONG feeling that my low iron is a contributing, if not main, factor in our issues and I have battled issues with iron for quite some time. I am so proud that I didn't just give up or resign myself to anemia; instead I researched and tried new options, stuck to a program and got results!

On my drive home, I started thinking about the topic for this blog (just talking about my iron level seemed a little dry) and it led me to really start thinking about some other "small victories" I've had recently. My other biggest accomplishment to date has been implementing the lifestyle changes that my acupuncturist recommended. Her big two things were limiting cold foods/drinks (i.e. no ice, cooked meats and veggies, etc.) and NO soda. I have been six weeks soda free and about two weeks completely caffeine free. I also stopped taking my adderall, which I started  about a year ago. 

I honestly thought I was addicted to caffeine and that I was going to feel AWFUL. While I do seem to lose my thoughts mid-sentence quite a bit more, other than that I feel perfectly fine, maybe even better! I don't get dizzy spells anymore, I still have the same energy level as before and I haven't felt any less motivated to do things. I do feel like eating all the time though, apparently caffeine and amphetamines really do suppress the appetite. Such a glorious side effect, but not worth the thought that it may be contributing to our problems. The point behind me stopping was that caffeine and amphetamines both constrict the blood vessels. Smaller vessels --> less blood flow. That coupled with low iron could have been a pretty bad equation for trying to support an early pregnancy. Small victory: getting my body healthy and thinking outside the box to solve our problem.

The last small, recent victory is this blog right here. I am still overwhelmed by the responses and conversations that I have had with people since starting. It is doing exactly what I'd hoped it would do. People have given me advice and words of wisdom from their past experiences. I've also been able to talk to other young women going through this and, hopefully, help them during their process too. I was so scared to do this blog, thinking people might think it is weird or sad, or worse, nobody would care at all. How silly of a thought that was!

So I encourage ANYONE reading this that is going through something, try to find your small victories as well. Most likely, you're going to run in to more disappointments or troubles, but if you can find some positives, some wins, it really will help you cope with the negatives.