Top 5 Things Never To Say To An Infertile Couple

I want to preface this list by saying, if you have ever said these things to me, I am not mad at you! I know when people say the following it is with best intentions and I love you all for it, but let's just agree not to say them anymore :)



5. Don't worry, you're next!

This one isn't quite so bad, because it is an encouraging statement. Here is the one problem, us "infertiles" have heard this the past x number of times and we have NOT been next. In my case, I heard this a lot right after we got married and then it died off as people started to realize that we were in fact not next! 

My best friend, Jess, told me one day when we were talking about my issues "I have a feeling you will get pregnant this summer." I really liked this statement, and I of course would not hold her to that (or maybe I should, what could I get out of it?!). The "you're next" is kind of generic but setting a time frame like that makes the person feel like you really do think they will get pregnant soon. Also, hearing a concrete time frame, like "summer", made the statement individualized, like she wouldn't just say this to everyone thinking about having kids. These type of statements are a much better way of telling someone essentially "hey, I'm on your side, it'll be soon."

4. You know how it works right?

This one only stings if you say it at the wrong time of the month. If my period just ended and I haven't gone Clomid crazy yet, I can laugh along with this one. If I just got a negative pregnancy test or my hormones are raging, I might try to take you out. I'm assuming this statement is usually used to try to lighten the mood or keep the conversation funny, because obviously everybody knows how having a baby works (you just keep your window open and hope the stork flies in, duh!). My advice for this statement is proceed with caution! Make sure you REALLY know the person or have a good gauge on their mood/temperament before going there.


3. Everything happens for a reason.

This might just be me being bitchy, because I know this is a popular saying, but I just hate this quote. Even though it may be true, it still doesn't mean anything to the person struggling through. If you dare say this to me, you best follow up with the exact reason. I think that is a good rule of thumb, if you don't have the reason, don't tell me there's a reason!

2. It will happen when you're truly ready.

This one is truly a punch in the gut. Again, I'm sure intentions are good and sure it could be true, but this statement basically says to the person "you aren't pregnant yet because you're not ready to be a parent." Unless the person you are talking to is a serious degenerate just don't say this one. EVER. It's not helpful. Promise!

And now for the #1 thing to NEVER say to an infertile couple.......

1. Just stop trying

Uuuuggghhhh, where do I even begin with this statement. First, there probably was a good, long point where we weren't trying. Second, there is not a switch that we can pull to turn off wanting to get pregnant. Believe me, if I could I would. It is not fun to take medicine, stress out for two weeks and go through the heartache of another failed month. When a couple is ready to stop trying, they will; your advice will not sway that decision. This statement gets double bad points for those that follow up with "that's how I got pregnant." A better way to approach this type of mentality is to ask "what kind of relaxation techniques have you tried?"

So, now you know! No excuses anymore for any of these things to come out of your mouth! What are some other good statements you all have heard?